schizo affective life

I am not sure now exactly where I heard this:

I tolerate this world of demons for the sake of one angel

It kept me sane that day, whichever day it was, just another day in a mad mans life.

Today I head a song, I chased it down on the Internet to learn it was “hope” by Jack Johnson:

http://www.jackjohnsonmusic.com/home That was all fine and good, catchy tune but didn’t really say exactly what my mind told me it did, delusions who’s to say. Just felt something as I heard it but not so much as I read it. I thought there was some “hidden meaning”, what was it that would do what?

HOPE!

That might be all fine and well for the most part of you, not so for me either it is or it isn’t ,there’s no grey, its black or white damn it. There’s no half way, it either is or it isn’t, The damned switch is either on or off!

Hope.

Isn’t that like praying, if so to what “God” I ask you? Do as some and pray to the original sun god, the god of the pyramids that began this mess ages ago, the ones your government and corporations continue to pray to today, with the obvious, in your face pentagrams, newly built pyramids, the eye of Horus on your cable bill? Amen!, or was that amen rah? I get so confused as all holidays and religions seem to stem from there. 

Hope?

HOPE I JUST DONT GET IT!!

Angels, I see, angels I know, angels let me live among you, that I know, That I understand.  Hope…

I know I would have been lost years ago, if not for angels such as Rosalie, ”She was on a downhill slide and I was just sliding in” 

Well the year’s drifted by them, as we all know they can.
He found other women, but she refused other men.
But as fate would have it, they met again,
She was on a down-hill slide, and he was just slidin’ in.
http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/o/oak_ridge_boys/ill_be_true_to_you.html

I am still sliding.

hope….

Angels, those I see from the four on my pinkie ring given to me by her, to watch over me as she knew she couldn’t. Angels those I know.

Hope, I hope she can forgive me, even tho she told me I would be fine with her gone, I never really have been. I needed another angel to make it thru the days.

Hope. I Hope, she understands.

Angels, where would I be today with out the current one? I was alone and homeless on the street before Rosalie. I ponder that question often, where would I be, what would I be. Dead.

Here’s to my  new angel. Let me not break her heart as mine is, Let me not harm her ,nor bring her shame for knowing me, for loving me, for caring. For stooping so low as to mingle among you to save me, let her have all the riches of heaven, and the earth, the moon, and the diamonds in night time sky.

I wish I could of been the man to write this for you, my angel. Rochelle.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZfClhBtaWKY&feature=related 

I’ve got an angel
She doesn’t wear any wings
She wears a heart that can melt my own
She wears a smile that can make me wanna sing
She gives me presents
With her presence alone
She gives me everything I could wish for
She gives me kisses on the lips just for coming home

She could make angels
I’ve seen it with my own eyes
You gotta be careful when you’ve got good love
Cause the angels will just keep on multiplying

Thank you my being my angel, thank you for being on this plane of existence for the sake of me, thank for Donovan and Deshawn.